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<title>winner takes it all (loser has to fall) by Mikasaessucasaa</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26240590">winner takes it all (loser has to fall)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikasaessucasaa/pseuds/Mikasaessucasaa'>Mikasaessucasaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:09:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26240590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikasaessucasaa/pseuds/Mikasaessucasaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Why should I be sad, Jon? I won. I'm in Winterfell, my family is safe, the north is safe. Why should I let the ghosts of my enemies haunt me?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jon Snow/Sansa Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>winner takes it all (loser has to fall)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>In the end it was Arya, with a little guidance from Bran, that found him in the northern wilderness. She simply looked at him and rolled her eyes and said, “It's time you stop being such an idiot and come home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And in his shock of seeing his once-sister after five years, all he could do was dumbly nod and follow her back to Winterfell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes them nearly a moon’s turn to return from where they were past the wall, and while Arya told her of her great travels and reunion with Gendry and her visits with Bran, she hardly brought up anything about Sansa. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pressed her about it, she simply sighed and said, “It’s better if you see it for yourself.” So he stopped pressing and waited for them to arrive at Winterfell. Being away from civilization for five years has taught Jon little about silence and patience except that a man can always endure more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally they arrived in Winterfell, and a tall red headed slight figure with a large bundle behind her back rushed towards them as they dismounted their horses. Sansa ran towards Arya, and they almost tackled each other to the ground at the ferocity of it. The force of it created a loud squeal from the bundle Sansa was carrying. Arya laughed at the sound and went behind Sansa to pick up a little girl from the bundle. She couldn’t have been more than two name days old and was the spitting image of Sansa with the red hair and bright blue eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His throat closed up. He didn’t know. He shouldn’t be surprised he didn’t know, having had so little human contact these last couple of years, but still the thought of Sansa with a child was somehow unfathomable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have sent a raven,” Sansa said, breathless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We wanted to get here as soon as we could. There was no time,” Arya said, not looking up from cooing at the babe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the mention of we, Sansa finally looked up at Jon and gasped. “Jon?! Is that you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aye,” he grunted, his voice hoarse from disuse during the last sprint to Winterfell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa laughed, and Jon found it lovely, as he often did when she laughed. She was happy. Sansa was happy. When was the last time she was so happy? Certainly not those last days with him. She grabbed Jon into a tight hug, and he instinctively nuzzled into her neck. He had tried to ignore the fact that he missed this, missed her, incredibly, while he was beyond the wall, and now the feeling threatened to overwhelm him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she pulled back, she took a good look at him and said, “My gods! I can hardly recognize you with your mane! When was the last time you got your hair sheared? Goodness, you look a fright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not since he went past the wall five years ago,” Arya answered, laughing as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa smiled warmly at him. “Well, it is good to have you back. I can give you a shear if you’d like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded, having nothing else to say, but stared quietly at the babe in Arya’s arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa followed his line of sight and offered, “Her name is Alysanne.” She gestured for Arya to walk over closer to Jon. “Would you like to hold her?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words got stuck in his mouth, and he tried to blame it on the dryness of his throat. “I couldn’t,” he said finally.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa merely gave him a half smile and said, “Well maybe one day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa led them to her solar, father’s old solar before it was Robb’s, and then Roose’s and Ramsey’s, and then Jon’s. There had been too many owners of this solar for one single lifetime and all of them haunted Jon at different times of the night, even his former self.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A maid came in with food. It was too late for lunch and too early for dinner, but Arya and Jon were happy to eat without having to hunt for their food. Aylsanne also seemed hungry, so Sansa pulled down the collar her dress and gave the babe a breast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon looked alarmed at the sight and turned away, ears a bright pink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As realization of the impropriety of her actions finally dawned on Sansa, she laughed and said, “Oh! I’m sorry Jon, I’m not used to having men around during Alysanne’s feeding time, I hope it doesn’t bother your meal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon looked down at his food and refused to look back up. “No it is fine,” he said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly Jon, it’s just a teat, no need to act like a maiden,” Arya guffawed, and Jon was shocked at her bawdiness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arya, your crudeness shocks him,” Sansa scolded but giggled anyways.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon coughed and finally got the nerve to ask, “Who is Alysanne’s father?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arya and Sansa gave each other a look that he could only describe as mischief, and suddenly he regretted asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was his name Triston?” Arya asked teasingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Arya! You know it was Endrew,” Sansa answered in mock offense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon stared at them in confusion. He didn’t know these two women who used to be sisters that spited each other and could never have sat during a meal to joke and cajole together. But he had been gone for a long time, he reminded himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of which house?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa shrugged. “Some minor house from the south. Maybe. Who knows really?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“P-pardon?” Jon stuttered. The Sansa he knew cared a great deal about family lineage and would have never given birth to a bastard. He did not know this Sansa at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arya laughed again, enjoying herself, and he immediately understood why she wanted to wait to discuss this in Sansa’s presence. It must have been hilarious to Arya to watch him stumble through this reunion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should have seen her around him. She was smitten, like she was when she was a maiden,” Arya answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was he like?” he asked quietly and carefully, avoiding a tone and words that would have been accusing, though accusing Sansa of what, he did not know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, he was the most beautiful man I've ever laid my eyes on, and he has a lovely voice and a wicked tongue if you know what I mean,” Sansa answered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon blushed at the declaration, not expecting such vulgarity from the lady he once knew. She laughed at his face. “Sorry, I've been spending too much time with Arya since she's been back, and she can hardly talk about anything except Gendry’s wicked everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oi!” Arya said, finally stumbling for once in the conversation, “Don’t drag me into this. We’re embarrassing you, not me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the meal, Jon took Sansa’s offer to finally cut his hair. Sansa handed Alysanne to her Septa to nap, and Arya went to entertain herself elsewhere, having tired of Jon after spending a whole moon’s turn with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he settled down in his chair, Sansa started with the hair on the top of his head, taking broad cuts until he could tie it in a manageable bun low against his neck, before moving onto his beard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed the blade gently against his neck, and he gulped before asking, “How did you do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Sansa asked back, shooting a questioning brow up, though not looking up from where she glided the blade across his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Move on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa pulled back and laughed abruptly, shocking Jon. “Why should I be sad, Jon? I won. I'm in Winterfell, my family is safe, the north is safe. Why should I let the ghosts of my enemies haunt me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But what about everything and everyone we lost to get here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, well, I miss them terribly, but life is fleeting, we know better than most. I'll take whatever happiness I can get now.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon still looked at her surprised. “Oh now, don't look at me like I'm so callous. I do get upset and sad every now and then really, but Alysanne has saved my life. I want to be happy for her. I want to give her what my parents gave me. Look around you Jon, everyone else has moved on, but you remain stuck in that dreadful time. It's time to move on and live this second life you were given. Find yourself someone new to love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like you did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa smiled softly. “Aye, like I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-how did it happen?” he hesitated to ask, knowing somehow that it would make him uncomfortable to know. He had been gone a long time, but they had never talked about love, unless it was the context of Dany. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t really know how to explain it. It was probably similar with you and Daenerys, honestly. It just swept me. I didn’t know I could be swept like that again.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you love most about him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa paused thoughtfully. “Somehow the wars didn’t really affect him. I don’t think it was because he lost or suffered less than any of us, but somehow he found hope and beauty in the world and in life. He sang about it so beautifully as well. And I don’t know, I guess I got so tired of being sad, and he was joy. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For as long as Jon remember, no one had ever described him as joy. He was brooding and dark and sad, but never happiness and joy. And perhaps it was right that of all people, Sansa should find that happiness and joy after everything that she had been through, everything they had been through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he now?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa’s eyes went far away in that moment. “He died from fever last year.” She shook her head, as if trying to shake herself back into the world. “Gone too soon, or maybe soon enough. Who knows what would have happened if the affair had continued? We had no plan to manage real life, not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon grunted, “You always have a plan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not that time, not with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa finished up his shave, and pulled back to stare at his visage. “There, as handsome as ever,” she beamed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She handed him a mirror to inspect her work, and he nodded in approval. He didn’t know if he was handsome truly, but he did look like his former self again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next night Sansa hosted a small feast with the court to welcome back her sister and cousin. Even though it was humble, it was a lovely affair. Sansa was always good at planning celebrations. The presence of other lords and ladies didn’t keep the joy from seeping from Sansa’s eyes. Sansa had always been honest with her words to the northern lords and ladies, but she was honest with her emotions in that moment as well. The warmth shocked Jon and made him believe that perhaps spring would finally come. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he was partially in his cups, likely due to the fact that he had little access to alcohol in the wilderness, Arya found him staring at the dance floor, staring at Sansa.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see that you still lurk,” Jon said playfully. Arya shoved him jovially. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I see that you still brood,” Arya retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beyond the wall is no place for anything else, not really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not beyond the wall anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon drank another large gulp of ale, perhaps this would push him over the edge, of what edge, he was unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s different from what I expected,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what did you expect from her? At the heart of it Sansa makes things happen. She wanted to escape King’s Landing, so she did. She wanted to take back Winterfell, so she did. She was never the kind to torture herself for the decisions she had to make, not when she has so much conviction,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aye, she never was, and it was her conviction that saved the north. Maybe, I just wanted her to suffer as much as I did for the choices I had to make.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arya shook her head. “You don’t mean that. You’re gloomy, but you were never one to wish that others suffered the same as you. You were always hoping for more for others, working hard for everyone else’s security and happiness, even at the cost of your own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon grunted, having no more arguments. Arya put her hand on his shoulder and patted him. “Jon, there are no more sacrifices to be made, and even if there were, Sansa would never let you make them,” she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that they looked to Sansa who was dancing with so much glee that it hurt him. She caught them watching and she made her way to them to grab at Jon and beg him to join her. “Jon, please! You must not have danced in years, maybe a whole decade, and that is such a travesty!” Sansa beseeched him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All the more reason why I shouldn’t be joining you on the dance floor. I will make a fool of you,” he said, trying to pull away. She gave him a funny stare at the word fool.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, I’ll always forgive you for making a fool out of me,” she said softly. Jon’s throat constricted at the implications. She fluttered her eyelashes at him and continued, “Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He relented and followed her to the dance floor. The song slowed to a ballad, and in his mind the other people in the hall disappeared around them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m really, really glad you’re here, that you’re home,” Sansa said quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad to be home,” he responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked up at him, and he peered into an endless sky of blue, a summer blue, a southern blue but with a northern fierceness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon shook his head, to shake out the blue from his mind. “I don’t know. Do you want me to stay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You belong here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t need me here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t.” The words hurt Jon less than he expected. “But I still want you here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s no place for me here, not anymore,” he insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa sighed, “You make a fool of only yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pushed away from him and stalked out of the hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He found her later that night in her chambers. She had already readied herself for bed, standing in front of her in her night shift and a dressing gown. What was he doing here?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let him in without question. Perhaps she learned back then that it was futile to question him, because he would always foolishly, stupidly going do what he thought was right, even if it was likely wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She waited for him to say something as they stood awkwardly in front of her door, but she never had the same patience as him, especially not now after he had five years learning how to be even more patient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You used to be the best man I knew. I thought the world of you, but turns out you're just a man,” she began, as she gestured for him to enter her chambers and closed the door behind them. They stood stiffly in the middle of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt the stab of her words in his heart, but Sansa continued smiling softly, “And I'm just a woman, so what does it matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you resent me for the choices that I made back then?” Jon asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sansa thought about it for a minute, as if she hadn’t thought about it for thousands of minutes before, before responding, “Maybe back then I did. I was so angry. I’ve never been so angry, not even when my family dropped dead one by one. I had nothing and no one before I found you again. All I could think of was surviving and coming back home, and in the end I got everything I ever wanted, because they were the only things I ever wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She paused again before continuing, determining if she should divest more secrets to Jon, and he wondered if her old paramour had been privy to them. “It used to keep me up at night. Did you love her? Did you not? I do not know why it bothered me so. Perhaps I loved you more than a sister should.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon’s eyes widened at this declaration, but he kept his mouth shut, fearing he would never hear the rest of it if he interrupted. And she continued without thoughts of the things that she let go. The truth couldn’t hurt her anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps I thought you a fool and didn’t believe you could be trusted with the North. Perhaps you were wise beyond anyone in the realm. Then at a certain point, I realized, it didn’t matter. Whether you betrayed us or whether you did it for us, it didn’t matter. The outcome was still the same, and I still had to protect the north," she said. "</span>
  <span>I used to be so mad at myself for being so foolish back then. But now I look at the past, and I think of all of the people I outlived. It doesn’t bother me if I was foolish back then, because I survived everyone that had ever put me down and thought little of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She took a deep breath, and Jon could tell she was not done but preparing herself for the hardest truth yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continued, “When we were children, I could not stand the thought that father could betray mother and hurt her so much. I could not understand it at all. If he truly loved her, how could he hurt her? And most of all how could she have loved him through his betrayal?” Sansa turned to him and stepped closer. “Do you know the answer I came to Jon?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jon shook his head and marveled as the fire lit her hair and eyes aflame. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I learned that through acceptance you can live even through the most heartbreaking of betrayals; you can live through anything. The choices that we make are neither right nor wrong, they just are," she said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pressed her hand to his face and he felt himself leaning into her touch, as if she supported the burdens on his shoulders. “I know you must still torture yourself for the things you have done, the things that you had to do,” she said. “When will you learn to accept your doubts and regrets and move on? When will you know peace?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He let out a shudder. He had found peace the moment he stepped back into Winterfell, the moment that he saw her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leaned to gently press his lips against hers. She jumped back in surprise and he stiffened. Her eyes flitted between his, looking for an answer to a question, perhaps not the same question that she had asked. He supposed that she had found whatever she was looking for because she crowded his space and kissed him, more ferociously than his initial kiss. She nipped and tugged at his lips, a true wolf devouring him. She devoured his air, his soul, his life, and he gladly gave all of it, as he had given all of it before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” he said at last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She beamed, “I know.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Title from ABBA's song "The Winner Takes it All"</p><p>I noticed that a lot of fics have Sansa as unhappy or lonely after the series, and I just wanted a happy Sansa instead. Hope you enjoyed.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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